Tips For Supporting Your Child’s Mental Health & Wellness
As a parent to a 24-year-old and a 21-year-old, I wanted to share some thoughts and tips on mental health and wellness for your child. It does not matter what age your kids are now; I find that the advice I’ll share with you is timeless and essentially applies to a child of any age.
Remember that there is no expiry date on parenting - whether they’re 1, 5, 12 or 28, they will always be your child. Each day is an opportunity for you to build on your relationship with your son or daughter to create security for them, to let them know they are seen and heard by you.
From a very young age, your children notice everything, especially the unsaid or undisclosed.
Often you can ask them to do something in a particular way - it may be that you expect them to sit down at the table for meals and snacks, and yet they might not see you do it yourself that often.
You might ask them to reduce the use of electronic devices: phones, laptops, TV or play station when they should be doing something else (studying) or while they eat.
Yet, you are constantly reaching for your own devices; you nag them about finishing their meal while flipping through TV channels or get distracted by your phone or laptop when they’re trying to talk with you.
You can see where this is heading, can you?
Be a role model
As a parent, you are responsible for setting boundaries for your children, and you must follow through with them yourself. If you are absent from your children, if you run low on patience levels and get easily angered or annoyed at being asked a simple question or irritated by their behaviour, please note that it will be because they look up to you. They want your full attention and time.
Could you set out your daily schedule to ensure that you are available for that conversation to be fully engaged without feeling you want time to yourself?
Could you open a window of intimacy with them individually, each day, to chat and connect rather than using a computer game, a laptop or a phone to entertain them instead?
Respect works both ways. Your children also need to be respected, so lead by example as this way, they can mimic it back and respect you and other people.
Build Tolerance
Remember that your children will often have a different opinion than you, and that is healthy. After all, they are growing to become their own person, and you are looking to help them build confidence within themselves. The more self-aware and comfortable they become in their own skin, the more able they are to navigate through life lessons and build healthy relationships with others.
Your relationship is the one that holds the key to the other relationships they have and how they behave. Any feelings must be allowed to come to the forefront for them to work together to find out the why. You want their relationships not to be perfect but to be honest, open and compassionate.
If your children find it hard to open up, use a favourite book or song that they resonate with to open up a conversation. Mirror their language, so they feel you understand how they feel and never belittle their feelings. Just because you don’t have the same feelings or opinion does not mean theirs is wrong.
You want your child to grow into a relaxed and confident young adult, one that feels loved unconditionally. Unconditional love means they don’t have to do or prove anything to you for you to show them love.
Reduce Competition
This applies to the relationship between your children. Sibling rivalry is damaging, so ensure that you step in to resolve a conflict and teach them that they’re both loved in the same way.
No one child is better or easier. No one child should be shown more attention because they work harder, look good or comply with you. You don’t want your children to compete with each other for your love because that will also affect their future relationships.
Each child has individual qualities that are part of you. Often we see things in our children that mirror our own personality, and we might not like them to embrace them. If you’re self-aware of your shortcomings that have been unintentionally passed on to your kids, then help them turn these negative traits into healthy ones.
The most important job of all
No matter what your professional status is, parenting is the most important jobs of all. Your input is shaping another human being. Your children’s thinking, how they behave and develop social skills such as communication or emotional intelligence - it is your responsibility. Time spent with your children, be it through playing together, talking, or sports activities, strengthens your relationship and encourages them to explore, observe, experience, experiment, and solve problems.
By nurturing them emotionally with conversations and physically through exercise and healthy eating habits, you promote self-esteem and self-confidence that are the fundamental blocks of a foundation for better social interactions and academic skills. This is everything from sharing to cooperating, respecting others, and listening to what is being said.
You do not want your kids to be blindfolded followers but students of life. Always curious, always asking questions, always seeking self-improvement.
A Strong Family Unit
Building a positive relationship with your child takes hard work so expect knocks and bumps that you’ll have to overcome. Children feel secure when they have a strong sense of a family unit and observe positive relationships - this applies even if you are divorced or a single parent; your children are not pawns.
You brought these wonderful humans to this world when you were in a relationship, and if that has ended now, then you and your ex still need to be able to communicate like adults. Teamwork and appreciation for your child, tone of voice, body language are all picked up by your kids.
Never bad-mouth your partner to your children or in earshot of them - it’s a hard NO and makes matters worse for you in the long term. Crossing the lines of communication or getting other family members involved is putting your children in a difficult position. They need peace of mind with sensitivity to their feelings.
You want your children to go on in life to create happy and meaningful relationships with others. You want your sons and daughters to feel secure and confident to live a healthy life.
Remember: YOU have all the necessary tools to facilitate this.
Some key take-away points:
Be in the moment with your kids.
Spend QUALITY time with your children.
Create a caring and respectful environment where they can trust you and confide in you.
Tune into their feelings, walk a day in their shoes.
Understanding what matters to them is key to building a secure space for them to speak freely to you.
Listen to your children; allow them to air their grievances without judgment or reprimand.
Stop and think about what your child is not saying if your child is hanging out with you in the kitchen. By not saying anything, they might want to be close to you, so don’t send them off to “do something”.
If you’re busy, then plan your time accordingly to give them the ultimate opportunity to have your uninterrupted attention.
Share with them. Hug them, laugh with them. Smile at them. Appreciate them.
Value your children because they teach you to be a more rounded, spontaneous, open and loving person.
Set up firm but fair family rules. Rules are mission statements of what your family wants to do to become a strong unit.
Don’t compare your children to your friends’ kids - that can be a defining factor in their self-esteem. Love their quirky ways and don’t mould them into a version that does not match their personality.
This is a well-rounded perspective written with the experience that only children can give.
For my grown-up young adults who teach me more each day: Ellie and Ollie.
Love,
Mum
x
